if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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