do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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