Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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