A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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