Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
