Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
