It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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