theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
