College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
