I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
