dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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