my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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