So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
