why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
even my farts smell like vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
