it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
