yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
