If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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