i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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