Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
