I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize