she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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