I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
