You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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