trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
cat food counts as protein by the way
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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