spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
