I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
