i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
