I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
