don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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