this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
