I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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