Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
