He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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