i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
