At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
