i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
