he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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