went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
