My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
