it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
