You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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