no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
