Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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