You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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