omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
