it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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