I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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