"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
