Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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