you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
