i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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