can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
