My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love having hate sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
