That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
