Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
