I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
