I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're like the curious george of whores
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
