I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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