When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
