I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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