So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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