My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
