I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
