Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
