dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
