White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
