You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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