You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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