remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
