Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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