very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'