um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.