Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!