I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
