What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fill condoms, not promises.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...