happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis