Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
