you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
