just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
