im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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