i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize