What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
