I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
